


Expired

by Tear_In_My_Car_Crash_Heart



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Gen, Platonic Jyrus, Tyrus - Freeform, jibby, probably muffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 01:36:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17736551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tear_In_My_Car_Crash_Heart/pseuds/Tear_In_My_Car_Crash_Heart
Summary: Jonah Beck feels expired, he’s not fit to be himself anymore, what does that mean?





	Expired

**Author's Note:**

> ** means potential trigger warnings so

The room is getting darker, my breaths getting shorter and faster. The lights flicker- the thoughts in my head echo. This is going to end. It’s going to end Jonah. It won’t fucking end. I look down at my phone through tears, struggling to pick it up as it falls through my hands.

“ Help- help! “ I scream- my heart beats get louder and faster- I can’t feel anything. I wish I would just die. My vision gets darker and the room is spinning. I scream again until I feel someones hand on my back.

“ Jonah- you’re okay. It’s going to end- breathe with me. “ Cyrus says from behind. I look around and listen to his slow, gentle breaths, breathing with him.

“ Good now? “  
I look at him, thinking about how he saw me like this-

“ No, no- i-i’m sorry- this is embarrassing. “ I sniffle.

“ What do you mean? It’s okay- i’d never judge you. “ He puts an arm around me.

“ Yeah- yeah.. “ I wrap my arms around him. I listen to my breathing, letting myself calm down. Remember when you said you wanted to die? Yeah. 

“ We should get out of here- the bathroom won’t be empty for long. “ Cyrus gets up and holds out his hand, letting me take it to pull myself up. 

“ Thanks man- “ I walk with him to the cafeteria, keeping that thought in the back of my mind. **  
I sit down and scroll through my phone, coming across a certain page, reading through the posts. It’s never going to end. Why can’t I find happiness? I’m sick and i’m never going to get better. I stare at the next post- cuts all over the arm- I stare longer. What if I just did that a- **  
“ Dude! Why are you looking at that stuff? “ TJ says as he walked by our table to sit next to Cyrus.  
“ Oh- shit, just accidentally clicked the wrong page- that’s all. “ I frantically put my phone down.  
“ Oh, good. “ He said, relieved. I stare down at my food, letting out a quiet sigh.  
-  
I fling the guitar pic on the floor. This is fucking stupid! This chord is horrible, the tuning is hard and I don’t know what the fuck muting is. I’m giving up on this, on everything at this point. I glance over at my phone and decide to text Cyrus to come over. He agrees and I sit against the wall on my bed, glancing around the room. I’ve been getting worse. I’m never going to be good enough for people, even if I try  
I know i’ll just fail, I-I hate this- but I need someone who I know is there for me. But what am I doing? I’m telling him this and he’s going to tell other people because he’s such a good friend even though- I hear a knock on the door of my room.  
“ Come in! “  
“ Hey. “ Cyrus says. “ You okay? “  
“ I-.. no.. “ I sigh. “ I just need someone to talk to. “  
“ Well, i’m right here then, what’s wrong? “ He sat down next to me.  
“ Uhm- I just feel- like shit. I’m always going to be me and no matter how hard i’ll try to be a good friend, boyfriend or whatever I know i’ll screw it up. Like, i’m going to make an effort and learn sign language for Libby so I don’t always have to text her but i’m going to screw that up. I’m always so oblivious and i’m afraid if I try and make an effort i’m just going to screw it up, what’s the point of trying? “ I look at Cyrus, wiping my eyes.

“ Jonah, you are trying, and you aren’t letting it go well for you, don’t let the past determine how all your other relationships are going to go. I know if you really like someone that you’re going to try and make that good impression. “ Cyrus puts his hand on my shoulder and looks at me.

“ I’m not happy with myself- I hate myself- why do I have these panic attacks and why do I want to hurt myself afterwards? “ I look back at him.

“ You- you what? Want to hurt yourself? “ He frowns, scanning me up and down.

“ I did- I d- I don’t anymore- I just- i’m sorry. I just feel so alone. “ I whisper the last part, looking down, fiddling with my hands. 

“ Hurting yourself is never going to make you feel better, and there are so many people dealing with the same things Jonah, you are not alone, and i’m really glad you can come and talk to me about this, and I hope you continue. I’m here for you. “ He looks up at me with a smile. He’s right, I shouldn’t let this all get to me. 

“ Thanks Cy, that means a lot... y’know, if you want to ever talk to me about cute boys... go ahead. “ I laughed slightly. 

“ Oh? Okay then, thanks. “ He laughs back.

“ Wanna watch some TV? “ I ask, looking at him.

“ Totally. “ he replies.

-  
I can’t get to sleep, I just- maybe I- hurt myself. I feel expired, like I don’t fit here anymore, I just let all my friends down, i’d probably be letting libby down and I know i’m letting Cyrus down. It’s one dent in an already expired can of food- I hope it’ll be fine.


End file.
